30 Days of Groceries

All the (Healthy) Cereals, Ranked

As part of our deep dive into grocery stores, we're strutting down the cereal aisle, highlighting the non-sugary cereals we wake up for—and the ones that are just a nightmare.
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    1/10

    Grape Nuts

    Grape Nuts were developed during the Mesozoic era, when earthbound creatures like Tyrannosaurus Rex had the teeth to handle them. Those creatures are gone. So are their teeth. So why are Grape Nuts still here?

  • Photo by m01229 via Flickr
    2/10

    Fiber One

    Like eating fossilized sand (in milk!). No healthy gut is worth this.

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    3/10

    Special K

    Do you know why this cereal is so low in calories? Because it's mostly air! Do you know what air tastes like? Nothing!

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    4/10

    Kashi

    Hippies developed the Kashi line of cereals, making them taste like the pure, non-judgmental mud of Woodstock. But then it got bought by Kellogg, which traded purity for better taste. Score?

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    5/10

    Wheaties

    All the satisfaction of an empty-calorie corn flake, but with a vague aura of health. Not bad!

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    6/10

    Kix

    Are they actually healthy? Probably not! Are they supposed to be soccer balls? Probably not! Is the slightest hint of sugar the thing that makes these addictive? Definitely yes.

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    7/10

    Chex

    Chex—the hands-down luckiest product to exist during the gluten-free era—is crunchy and crispy and holds up well in milk and oh yeah CHEX MIX so, yes, thumbs up.

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    8/10

    Rice Krispies

    Nutritionally void, but auditorily unparalleled. The only other food that's this fun to eat is Pop Rocks, and those go terribly with milk.

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    9/10

    Corn Flakes

    The LBD of cereals. Keep it plain and classy. Or dress it up with berries. Hell, dress it down with chocolate milk. Corn Flakes are never wrong.

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    10/10

    Cheerios

    It has "cheer" in the name for a reason. These floating, oaty "O's" are sunshine in a bowl.

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